it was a friday, i got out of classes and was feeling a little glum so i decided to start drinking early (always a good idea, right?) so i went to my friends at POA and cooked some chili while drinkin some beers. I downed a good amount and ate my heart out and then decided i was very tired so i went home to take a nap or possibly pass out for the night. by this time it was about 7 or 8. i woke up around 9 and was feeling lonely so i called martha. martha got to my house around 10 and i cried a lot to her and to my mom when i finally thought that i had done enough crying and bryant came over with a gas mask. oh boy. we smoked a bit and went across the street to his friend colin's house. (bryant was extremely plastered btw, and i was not in a mood to deal with it) colin happens to live in the same house as my friend steph. so they went upstairs and i stayed downstairs and talked to steph and drank some more beer for a little while. it was about 11:30, 12 ish by this time. i left around 1:30, and met melissa and a few other people i knew when i was walking out the door. they noticed i was upset and asked me what was wrong, but i just didn't want to talk about it anymore, so i said nothing. and i walked back to POA with them. i told them that basically i was in a bad mood, i was upset, gave them a little insight as of why, but tried to dance around the topic as much as i could. they didnt bother me. they said they were rollin and trippin and offered me a tab. i declined at first, as i had never done it before. but i was talking to pat and for whatever reason i decided to go for it. we got back to POA around 2am and i munched on my first tab ever. i didnt feel much, dont remember what i was doing, but i got another one shortly after. i wish it was as fresh in my head as it was when it first happened but my best attempt at a recollection goes as follows: there was about 16 of us in nicole and melissa's bedroom, laying on the floor, on beds, on top of each other, we turned into a big family, and a big pile of people. jimmy was spinning his gloves around in the dark and talking in chinese, it was the funniest sounds ever, and i even got some on video. we all agreed we wanted more beer, but since we were in delhi, no one will sell you beer after 12 midnight. jimmy swore there was beer at TG so we walked all the way back, past the apartment we came out of, past my house, to TG. there was no beer, but there was about an hour or so of entertainment. we were in the kitchen the whole time, i was smiling ear to ear, probably looked like a psycho person... but it's cool. we went back to POA at around 4 probably. and for some reason, we went up to campus to try to wake up larry. larry didnt want to get up, so we walked back. they put on alice in wonderland and i wanted to go home, so i left and walked back, smiling the whole time, i felt great. i needed to talk to someone so i called joe. at 6 am. i made it back to my house in record timing. i think it took no more than 5 minutes. i was lying in my bed naked for hours. just lying there. not sleeping. i felt too good to sleep but what else was tehre to do? so i kept trying. around 10 am i got a text from audrey saying to come over because she was with ally and foxie. i went there but i was way too up for them. by noon we were on our way to oneonta. ally needed a new phone. we went with martha, who had been drinking 40s all morning. she sat in the front seat and i was the monkey in the back seat. we got to the verizon store and martha and i marveled in the technology that was not new to us at all. afterwards, we needed to stop at the fish store to get a few goldfish for my roommate. it was crazy. there were lizards, and snakes, and spiders, and crazy fish. and stairs to nowhere. it was pretty crazy. i got myself a beta fish. when we got back, i tried to sleep but couldn't. i went to smoke a blunt with audrey at steve's house. his roommate has pet rats and they were out running around the room while we were all sitting in chairs smoking. this one rat ended up underneath my chair, his roommate noticed this before i did, and out of nowhere he started yelling at me to move and it all came so quickly, i was unsure of what to do. it was hard to tell what was g ooing on, i was confused. he pushed me back and swatted this rat out from underneath the chair. i watched it struggle and twitch across the floor, not knowing what i should do. i was bug eyes and scared, i felt so bad. and at that moment i could honestly say there was literally nothing running through my head. i was blank. i looked at audrey and asked her what i should do as if she was going to know the answer. we sat for a minute. nick's girlfriend was crying. nick asked us to leave and all i could say was how sorry i truly was. we left. i dropped audrey off. i went back home and tried to sleep. i couldnt. meredith and adeline came over and we went to bryant's house. there was a small party there. i told them what happened and how desperately i wanted to sleep. bryant gave me a klonopin and i waited some time to take it. i got back home and sat with meredith and adeline for a while. i took the klonopin and tried to sleep. i didn't. i went to steve's that next day. i smoked with them  and they told me it was okay and that it wasnt my fault. i still felt terrible but things were okay i suppose.